For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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