Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
