WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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