The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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