they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
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Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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