FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
