Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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