i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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