Ketchup is God's man juice
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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