I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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