you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
