How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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