I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize