I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
