halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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