mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
