i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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