my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i think my cat just said my name.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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