i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
