Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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