i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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