Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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