They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
