You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
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Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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