You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
