wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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