Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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