Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize