I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who died my cat blue again?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
