someone threw a dead crab at me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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