haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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