I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
