so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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