haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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