thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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