it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
