He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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