I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
