I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
