I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
