you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
