I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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