Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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