i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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