I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
