he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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