he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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