Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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