i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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