Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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