i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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