This is not my ceiling
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
