i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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