Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
