Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
