after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
