so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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