Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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