Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
