so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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