I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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