Can Purell be used as lube?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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