She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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