Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
