I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
