watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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