They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
