he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
