you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
