when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hippo gnu deer
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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