i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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