Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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