Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
