I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
