Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
