I'm going to jail i love you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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