Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
