this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
