Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
