I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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