CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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